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Monday, January 23rd, 2006
11:46 pm - entry 1
starting over can be one of the most refreshing feelings. knowing that, for now, you have a clean slate.. you can build and accomplish whatever you want without the past weighing you down. taking a clean sheet of paper and drawing yourself a map, showing the way you want this layer of your life to be. but a map can be deceiving. it can lead a person into thinking that life has to turn out a certain way. however, I recommend that everyone start over brand new, fresh and clean, atleast with certain things every once in a while. lets scrap the paper, and leave the maps in the drawer, and just follow your heart. because: life = 1.

with that said, I am starting over my journal. I know that this is probably atleast my fourth journal, but im wiping the slate clean and starting over. I feel like perhaps a new layer of my life will take hold soon, and this is my start.

Life. has been decent over the last couple of months. I am working for the Valley mall in customer service. we had a pretty hectic christmas and for awhile, it was stressful, but we all got through it, for the most part, as a team. I don't like the actual job, because I have learned that I am not a people person. I don't know how to talk to the general population of humans, and I honestly don't know why. it seems so easy. but, I do like the people I work with.. they are all some of the nicest people i've ever worked with. I'm gonna hate to leave that job, but soon I'll have to find one that pays more money.

it's been pretty routine for me for a while. work. sleep. eat. exercise (or atleast try). but lately, I have more time off, so I try to go out and just do whatever I'm feeling.. going to shows, odd stores, driving around and getting dunkin donuts almost every fucking morning. life has been getting more interesting lately and I hope this trend continues.

Dreams. when I'm out driving by myself, I often find myself listening to music really loud. volume 22 to be exact. and it kind of consumes my mind, and I start thinking about all that I want to accomplish in my life. everything I want to do.. I want to move out hopefully by the end of next fall.. I want to get my tattoos started.. I want to buy a new computer so that I don't have to restart every hour.. I want to be known for something more than what I'm known for now.. something revolutionary. I want to feel the most amount of confidence i've ever felt in myself within the next year. and I want to feel close to all of my friends. no matter how separated we are. this is just scratching the surface. I have so many dreams.. one would call me a dreamer. I have to admit that I am, but hopefully all of this will become something more. my art is becoming more important to me now. I think im gonna actually get a start on most of the projects that have been lingering around in the back of my mind for months. maybe with the help of some people. bah, I dont know. I hope.

this entry has been pretty sappy if I do say so myself. I'll probably only update this journal whenever something significant happens and/or whenever I take pictures. but I thought, for those who were interested.. that i'd tell everyone alittle bit about what's been going on with me lately. peace.

current mood: dorky

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Friday, November 18th, 2005
10:51 pm - comment or die
pikchuresCollapse )

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Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
5:37 pm
so, anyway.. I was having this conversation with someone about a week ago.. they pointed out something that I never had taken notice too until now.. they complemented me on how clean my room always was. and I thought to myself, yea, but I wish it wasnt always so clean.. I dunno why.. it bugs me when its too clean and neat, and when its dirty and their is clothes everywhere. so I pondered as I often do, and I think im a neat freak. and here's why. I constantly clean my room. like.. every other day pretty much. I was my hands way too much. when I am at fye, I straighten up the cd's and dont even realize it, I clean when Im bored, all this, among other things.. Im constantly changing things around everywhere. and then I think back, and realize that I havent always been this way. at our old house, my room was never clean.. it got vacuumed once every 2 months maybe.. and my clean laundry always went on top of my dresser.. I didnt care if it was wrinkled. I dunno. so I pondered this further to see perhaps what is all sparking this.. and I think its cos I have nothing else to do. maybe.. ive also thought into the fact that my life has no stablity what-so-ever.. and really hasnt since we moved to this house.. and so, im trying to control as much as I can.. well, I dont want to be like that. thats stupid.. soo, im adding that to the list of things I need to work on.

their is a show on friday at the sheperdstown train station.. cryptorchild chipmuck! best band ever.. hahahaa. I wanna go, but Mandi and I are going to the southend of hagersbush to take some pics in the industrial areas. and then, maybe going to eat somewhere. i dunno.. it's only tuesday.

well, I guess thats about it. so im out. late.

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Monday, November 14th, 2005
3:23 pm - donuts and coffee
today, I woke up and did my weekly monday ritual of going to dunkin donuts and getting a cappucino blast. those thing are amazing. I got some donuts to.

hmm.. so this last weekend, didnt do much.. went to dinner with my friend kayla whom I dont get to see much. uh, helped my brother move into his rad new apartment. ill basically live over their now. ha. i worked yesterday.. it was boring as fuck. i work today as well at 530. it will be boring. i have off tommorow though.. soo woot.

my room smells good. i bought those cinnamon pinecones and scented oil. im a dork.

well, I am bored with writing this.. i might continue when I get home this evening. later.

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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
3:19 pm
hmm.. so I figured id make a post to update alittle on how life is going.

my laptop is pretty much dead. I accidently spilt dr pepper on the keyboard.. like, 2 drops.. not enough to destroy anything, atleast id think not.. but now it acts even worse than what it didbefore. yea, the spacebar doesnt like to work either. so, Im switching back and forth from one computer to the other.. im trying to save all the files I can incase one day this just decides to not start up at all.. already had that problem yesterday. took me 4 times to get it running. meh.

brookes party was awesome. I had a shit load of fun.

tealy is still running strong.

I got my job at the mall. I love it, for the most part. it has its moments.

I swear, im not obsessed with my weight, but I like to type these things out to see where I stand. Ive lost 2 pounds, and I think ive gained a bit of muscle.. soo.. I dont know whats going on. I know ive been eating alittle less becos of the job, it has odd shifts so Im not always home for dinner.. and when I work morning shift, I usually dont eat breakfast, cos I cant eat as soon as I get up.. I think that's where the weight went. I weigh 120 now.. my goal.. is to keep on my routine through winter, I havent let up on it since I started almost 5 weeks ago.. soo.. and hopefully, I weigh 130 by spring. I dont know if thats possible.. but it cant hurt to try to gain alittle weight via muscle. Ive also stuck somewhat close to my LOW CHOLESTROL diet.. ive slipped a few times.. but you only live once. soo eh.

I get paid on friday.. Im gonna buy some new clothes.. im due for some new clothes.

so, I was looking at those nissan xterras.. and they are hot and stuff.. I want one. I know my taste in cars change every two weeks.. but eh. I like nissans alot for some reason. but I still love my vw.. which btw, is running excellent.. it doesnt leak oil anymore, it got all of it's power back.. theexhaust doesnt rattle anymore.. it just stopped for no reason. and he musty smell went away.. I swear it's fucking magical or something. it just fixes itself when it has a problem. my tires are low on air.. Im gonna go fix that now..

well, im out. must be at work in alittle less then 2 hours.. later.

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Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
11:38 am - something for me to ponder
I have gained eight pounds. which is good, considering that a month and a week ago, I went to the doctors and got weighed and I was only 113. now, as of yesterday, I am 121. about 3 weeks ago, I started lifting weights and doing all sorts of exercises, I guess to get some strenght and build some muscle so I can take my shirt off this coming summer.. I dunno. I am wondering, since i've kept my eating habits pretty much the same, not eating more or less (just more protein than anything else), could this gain be muscle and NOT fat? I wouldnt think you could gain 8 pounds worth of muscle in just 3 weeks.. I dont over-do myself and I dont work out everyday.. for the first week, I lifted 5 days.. the next week I only lifted 3, and this week so far, Ive only lifted twice.. Im gonna try to keep it at 2-3 days a week.. ive read though that you shouldnt even do it that much.. eh, I actually enjoy lifting.. it does what drums use too.. now whenever I play drums, it just relaxes me cos I dont play too much heavy stuff anymore. I havent played drums since I started lifting.. dont know why. another thing that concerns me and is gonna force me to get into better shape, is that my cholesterol is a total of 197, which the doctor said is barely normal.. so, Im trying to eat alot heathier too. not alot of red meat, pasta, milk.. yea.. the things that I pretty much ate everyday. also, Im only drinking one can of soda a day too, which is a great improvement, since I was usually drinking 3 a day. I dont mind the change.. it somehow gives me alittle more energy than what I did have before. so, I like this "lifestyle".

the mall hasnt called me about my job.. I applied for guest services, and got interviewed.. the ladie said I pretty much had the job, and she ran a background check and what not.. but no call. Im paranoid at this point, becos I havent looked for anything else since last friday. I also applied at fed-ex on wednesday, and they gave me an orientation date. I picked the 11pm-3am shift.. it'd be cool to have two jobs. the orientation isnt til friday. so, ill be making some good money if I decide to do both. not sure yet. we shall see.

all this drama broke out last night, between everyone.. cos someone is having a party on the same day as cody's party, and mandi and I decided to goto their party, and not cody's.. so tiffo seems to be mad at everyone for it,, I dont know.. why? or how.. she could be mad. but, it's cody.. so yea.

I need new clothes pretty bad. I have two pair of jeans, and a pair of green pants, I might have about 8 shirts, maybe 9.. in my closet. I have.. 12 pair of underwear, which ofcourse is enough.. and 24 pair of socks.. which is more than enough. I mainly just want a shirt or two and maybe 3 or 4 new pair of jeans. so, that's going to be what's left of my first paycheck.. my parents had to pay two months of my car payment which sucked, becos I hate when people do things for me.. and a month of insurance.. but they are counting half of it as an xmas present.. I told them that that's the only thing they really have to do for me this year.. I wish they would listen, but knowing them they'll buy me something that I really dont need and it wont make me any happier or help me out any. bah.

my car has gotten bettter, it's gotten alot of its power back. I dont know what the hell was going on with it. now, the exhaust rattles kinda bad when you initially accelerate.. Im gonna get under there sometime soon and see if I can fix it cos it annoys the shit out of me. I'm trying to make it last til mid-late spring, and then I'll invest in something a bit newer/more efficent. Ive been looking at those little toyota tacoma trucks.. it seems nice, and ive wanted a little truck for awhile now. dont know yet.. Ill have to wait til that time comes

yea, so this entry was suppose to be half this size. ive you enjoyed reading this far, congrats. im down and out. late.

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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
10:39 pm
pictures from PCJ this eveningCollapse )

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Monday, October 10th, 2005
5:11 pm - survey.. fuck 7
7 Things I Want Before I Die
- I want to revolutionize photography
- I want a good (bad) girl to hold me everynight (have her way with me)
- I want to be emotionally strong
- I want to find who I really am
- I want to see a world with no poverty, violence, war,

7 Things I Can Do
- drive
- eat
-masturbate (muwhaa, although, it's something you could do too)
- sleep
- be cool

7 Things I Can't Do
- relax (im working on that)
- eat shrimp (im allergic.. it sucks)
- I dont know what else I cant do.. im just that good?

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
- one who has common sense
- touches
- the way she walks
- her eyes
- her eyes..

7 Things I Say Most Often
- wow
- yep
- random song lyrics

7 Favorite Movies

7 Things I'm Afraid Of
- rejection... thats about it.

7 Things I Can't Live Without
- computer
- tea, coffee
- thrill.
- my camera
- my bed

7 Things I Can Live Without
- SUV's
- government

7 People I Want To Tag

whoever wants to be tagged.. take advantage

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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
9:18 pm
ermm. I havent updated this in awhile. myspace is taking over my life. not really, but it can get addicting when you start jumping from profile to profile.. eh, it's actually kinda getting boring.

I've actually lost a friend or two since I last updated. and ofcourse, the cycle is happening again where people become distant. it doesnt bother me that people are becoming distant. but, Ive lost a friend, and that does. I guess we just need time apart though. maybe one day we will be friends again. time heals, time kills.

the job search, well, it's been going, but I still havent found anything. I DID have an interview today at a photo finishing factory. I applied for darkroom. Im hoping that I get that job. I definatly wouldnt mind working if it's something I like. I have a 2nd interview tommorow. soo. crosses fingers.

umm, thats all for now. tealers still going strong. everythings goig decently. just been bored and working hard to find a job. the usual-usual.

im going to new york in november.

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Friday, September 16th, 2005
2:14 pm
ever since I was in sixth grade, I remember having a very odd craving to learn about geography. I would get online, or open atlases and just study maps and mountain ranges. capitols of different states, provinces, and countries. it eventually got me into studying more about different cultures around the world (especially europe and africa).. but it was more about maps. Im not sure, but a map facinated me. just being able to point at something and know where it is without every being there. I guess, whenever the geography bee came around in 6th grade, thats why I made it to the school level, and didnt win. but that was different in seventh grade. I remember being asked all these questions about all this different stuff and being able to answer most of the other kids questions. and people we're baffled by it becos Im usually quiet, and here I was killing the questions, raising my hand and everything. I got every question I was asked in the seventh grade class geo bee right. and then I went to the school level. which is where two people from each grade compete to go on to the county level. what was kind of weird about this whole situation, though, is I was in 7-8. the grade we're divided up into sections.. from smartest to dumbest.. I was going against all these smart people from 7-2 and 8-1 and all that. and Im in 7-8, which is the lowest class in the seventh grade.. well it came down to it, and me and this girl was answerering tie breaker questions.. I won. I never got any further than that though.. I took this test to compete for the county, but never go to the counties. oh well. it was still an experience, cos to be honest, thats the only thing ive ever won in my life.. other than some writing award which I think everyone got in middle school.

winning the geo bee got me in trouble the next year.. becos, being that I knew so much about social studies and science, I got thrown into a higher class.. with the smart kids.. me and the smart kids didnt get along too well. so eighth grade was hell.

I guess this is all leading too the fact that I always seem to want to learn about things. im particulary into dramatic events that happened in the past.. or disasters that werent handled properly.. government cover ups.. and so forth.

in 9th grade, I learned about the nuclear accident that happen in pennsylvania (three mile island) and the one that happened in ukraine and I was just amazed at how it was handled. terrible. last year, I came across this link http://www.logtv.com/films/chelyabinsk/ .. its about a heavily polluted town in russia. it scares me to think that the world never knew about this and still really doesent.. and as ignorent americans, we think that everything is peachy everywhere else aroun dthe world. I dunno. its just terrible.. and it made me think of middle school. well.. yea I know this is poorly written. like no bodys business.. but im really tired and havent eaten in a long time.. well .. im out.. late.

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Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
3:35 pm
i think ive hit rock bottom again.

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Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
4:23 pm
I love those end of summer evenings.. it's just alittle chilly, like you almost need a jacket to sit outside. you can smell october in the air. it's faint, and barely noticable.. but still there. you know that in a few months youll be spendingmost of your time inside under the warmth of your blanket.. perhaps with that special someone? .. and buying a spankin new hoodie for your winter experiences is in your future. I hate to see summer leave so soon, but Im ready for the autumn. cool air and fresh baked pumpkin pie.. orange and black the only colors seen for miles. the sun will set alittle sooner than before. but it just makes you take in more of the beautiful fall colors while you still have light. fall has always brought so much to me for some reason.. everything except school this year. I think thats why it feels so empty so far.. but it will get better. it only can.

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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
8:14 pm

heres a quick heads up for those who read.. I still havent found a job.. but Ive put in a crapload of apps.. Im going to fed ex tommorow (i promise haha).. and dmp to check on the status of my app..

the tealer is still going strong. woo

um thats it I think

I hung out with tiffo today which was mad fun and shit. we ended up going to the graveyard by north high.. and i took some pics. then to burger king and then to north high to eat it. afterwards we headed out by eastern blvd to take a picture of an ambulance.. ha.. then to the mall. we walked around there for about 2 hours or so.. listened to cd's for about an hour. then her mom came and picked her up..

I came home and waited around for my mom to get home. we talked about having a little cook out on saturday or sunday and stuff. not sure what's going on with it though.. then, I just went to f.y.e. to buy the recieving end of sirens cd.. its awesome.

I dont have anything planned for tommorow evening or thursday.. cept putting in apps during the day.. friday.. brooke mandi and I are going to the mall and we're gonna hang out since we havent in a good while. I cant wait.

well.. Im gonna get going. later.

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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
11:12 am
it's mornings like this when I just want to wake up next to someone that I love.

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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
10:25 am
so.. sup? havent updated lately. not too much has happened.. Ill make a list.

+ I quit my job, because the car sales business if corrupt and stupid. and I had 5 managers telling me different things to do and it confused the hell out of me and I set off 324084532 car alarms every morning when trying to unlock the cars. so. fuck that job. looking for another one. bah. fed ex? I think Ill try.

+ I went to ocean city and had a terrible time.. I dont mean to complain, but my parents bugged the hell out of me and the fact that I didnt have a car to just drive around and stuff.. plus my father was drunk the whole time.. so, it wasnt a good time. I want to go down with friends sometime. I think thatd be cool.

+ I havent been hanging out with much of anyone lately because of the job search and ive lost touch with quite a few people over the last 2 weeks. kayella doesnt call me anymore and never answers when I call her. soo.. eh.

+ my car needs some hardcore fuel injector cleaner soon becos it has some major lag. and it's getting kind of hard to start. it's still the best car ever and will outlast any of yours so fuck you. volkswagen fa lyfe.

+ I need to goto the doctor. because my hair is falling out, I had a bump of some kind on my neck that's getting bigger.. and I have a cavity.

+ this has been just one big complant about everything.. I feel like everything is slowly falling apart for some reason and Im on the road to rock bottom again. I have to turn this around somehow.

+ not to be mean.. but please dont comment with "awww" and all that shit.. Im not asking for help with anything.. but if you can tell me of a good solid job that pays more than 8.25 an hr.. any help is appreciated.. I know fed ex pays 10 something.. so I shall try there for maybe part time.. but I doubt there still hiring.

... later today, Im hanging out with mandi and Im gonna go get my paycheck and stuff from sharrett.. probably, fill up my car, buy some FIC, pay mandi for wt tickets, and then.. thats it.

im probably not going to be updating this as much anymore. Ill try to once a week or so.

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Thursday, August 11th, 2005
12:04 pm
eh, sorry for the lack of updates.

where to start. well, for anyone who I havent told, Im now employed with Sharrett Volkswagen on the dual highway. I'm not sure that I like it. but I guess Ill bare with it til I can find a job that's better for me. I unlock the used car lot first thing in the morning, then clean and detail cars that need it.. then later in the afternoon, I help move cars around and stuff.. most of the people there are racist and christain 100%.. and if you're different, you're wrong. I dont think it's so much the heat and the hard work, it's more of the comments they make and stuff. I dont like being around people like that. eh, I just do my job and get out of there asap. I'm looking for another job.. someday Ill find one.

I went to warped tour yesterday. Im not sure that words can describe it. it was fun. much needed fun. I took Mandi, Tiffo and Caleb down. Thrice prety much murdered everyone that watched. they rocked beyond anything imaginable. I kind of in the middle/right of the crowd, and when they walked on stage, I got pushed clear up to the baricade, so I was right up front. thrice was amazing, along with hawthorne heights (what I saw of them) and fall out boy. I saw various other bands too. I listened to the dead 60's, and I really liked them. MCR, wasnt as good as I thought they'd be. eh.. everyone else rocked though. yesterday was a really good day. I still get chills when I think of thrice playing .. AH

I took off today becos I wasnt sure how tired I was gonna be from last night. I got up at 7:30 though.. soo. but I take a nap for awhile cos Im still alittle tired.

I hopefully get paid tommorow.. and then I have to work saturday again. eh. if anyone wants to do anything tommorow night, or saturday night, just let me know.. it'll give me something to look forward too :) ..

next week, Im gonna goto OCMD with my rents. I think we're leaving thurs. night and coming back sunday afternoon. cant wait.

well.. Im out.

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Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
9:33 pm
warped tour is tommorow.. and Im going. cant wait.. woo.

I mean..


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Sunday, July 31st, 2005
4:34 pm
i know how to fix it.. i just havent found her yet.

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Thursday, July 28th, 2005
6:33 pm
Im watching the news right now.. and what's on just pisses me off. there is a place in tennessee that "fixes" homosexual people. WTF! there is a man there that says he cures gay people and homosexuality. I didnt know it was a fucking disease? it outrages me how people want everyone else t change who they really are.. lets do each other and ourself a favor.. be who you are.. if your gay, be gay.. if your straight.. be straight.. if your bi. have a shit load of fun. I hate how ones sexuality can bother someone else so much.. if u sit there and say you've never had a fantasy about the same sex, your a fucking liar. Ill call you out bitch. thank you and good night.

uh, so I think I got a job. it's not official yet, but I had two interviews, and they pretty much told me what to wear my first day and when I would start. I applied at Sharrett Volkswagen as a lot attendant.. pretty much just cleaning cars off, vacuuming them out, taking them to get gasoline, and taking them to mechanics to get fixed. it will probably be hard the first couple days.. but I dont mind.

uhh.. so I guess Im going to the shows this weekend.. who else is going?

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2005
7:56 pm
so.. havent updated in awhile.

saturday: I hung out with Kayella. we ended up all over hagerstown and greencastle. flea markets, grocery stores, chinese food, borders, walmart, along with various other places. I had fun.

sunday: I forget the event of sunday.

yesterday: I had an interview with hagerstown heart as a "chart filer" .. they asked for a resume. so I gave them it.. then today, I found out that someone else got the job.

today: woke up.. cleaned my room. daydreamed. thats about it

tommorow: back to the job search. Ive been looking since July 10th for a job.. ugh.

if anyone wants to do something this week (anytime after 4ish), just IM me or call me or something.

current mood: neck hurts

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